Garden of the Black Roses

So i haven’t be online in a long time… I actually haven’t had a connection in a long time.  Maybe that was for the best.

I’ve been working on IWB a fair amount since the last time i put up a post. I’m actually working backwards at the moment. Or rather more disjointedly. See, i wrote the beginning few chapters then skipped two then wrote more. The two i skipped i intended to write together. Two different viewpoints of the same scene. Let me explain:

If you’ve read the first book then you’d understand the connection between Stykes and Anima after they were wed with the Twin Fate Rings. In Beta, there is a part where Anima goes to a place that  Stykes can’t currently follow her to thus cutting off the connection between them. The two chapters is the viewpoint of  Anima in this new place and of Stykes alone in the Headquarters.

I split the view purposefully because there are events that happen after this that won’t make much sense if i did just solely Anima or Stykes’ view. I haven’t completed these two chapters… or more like only just started them… But i’m writing them in a dualistic manner. There are cross overs between the two chapters that i’m going to be writing in purposefully.

I didn’t write a one whole chapter, switching back and forth, because not only would it be confusing but also incredibly messy. Not to mention that would only work if Stykes and Anima contact each other a lot, which they won’t be.

On another topic, i haven’t been writing Succubus Diary. It’s getting exceedingly difficult to get the tone exactly right. as in, it’s turning more fantasy rather than erotica.

Also i still haven’t put the ending to FCGS up on the forum yet. Sorry to anyone who really wants to hear the end of it. I’ve been putting it on the back burner until i, at least, finish IWB.

Lastly, a reminder that the points system is up and running. Earning points will earn you prizes, should you wish to redeem them. Make sure you register for the blog to be entitled to the points. For more information on this, look under the ‘Interact’ tab.

Lately i’ve seen a fair number of debates and comments on these two issues: Abortion and Feminism. Arguements i hear annoy me a fair bit.

In regards to abortion: One arguement i heard that made me think some pro-lifers are hypocrites is the issue that while they say ‘Put it up for adoption’ they aren’t prepared to adopt themselves.

Various life issues aside, i feel it is very hypocritical to want someone to take a child to full term and put it up for adoption yet have no thoughts on wanting to adopt… whether it be now or in the future when you are in a better position to adopt.

I’ve heard every reason from ‘it is too expensive to adopt’ to ‘the one who opened their legs should be responsible for it’. Which means everything boils down to responsibility.

If a pro-lifer was to force to you that you have to carry it to term and you can put it up for adoption, then wouldn’t it be the pro-lifer’s moral responsibility to ensure the child  is looked after? It’s like saying ‘you must do as i say but i don’t care what happens next’.

This is why I’m pro-choice. My personal feelings don’t enter what other people want to do with their body. If you want to keep it due to a religious or some other  belief then that’s fine, but if you want to abort it then that’s fine too. The point of being pro-choice, in my view, is that you aren’t forcing your opinions on others.

Despite this little rant, i have heard some pro-lifers define their stance as pro-life personally/pro-choice politically. Which displays a higher intelligence level. What they believe in doesn’t interfere with how they will approach others on this topic.

One example is a close friend of mine. He’s pro-life personally/pro-choice politically. He told me that if he and his wife had an unplanned pregnancy that he would let her know he would want her to keep it but that it is her choice whether to keep it or not. He explained that it wasn’t his place to tell someone else what to do with their body. Just like if they wanted to exercise birthcontrol that it wouldn’t be his wife’s place to tell him to have a vasectomy.

I feel this is an admirable stance for a pro-lifer. You aren’t restricting the actions of others by forcing your views on them. Informing them of what you things is like giving advice. You give your feelings and freedom to someone in a difficult situation.

In addition to this view, is the view that there isn’t enough children to be adopted. This simply isn’t true. To be specific, there isn’t enough children of a certain type. This is particularly evident in terms of healthy, young, white babies.

With so many options for adoption such as interracial and intercountry, how is it that people still say there isn’t enough children to adopt? Simply, people don’t want to adopt a child that doesn’t look similar to them/black (in the racist view)/with special needs/spend a lot on a child that isn’t originally theirs.

Enough of the abortion/adoption topic. Onto the other topics… Femanism.

It seems that some of my friends, both here in Australia and overseas, get weirded out if they have to do something like open a door for a guy or have to do anything related to the ‘Gentleman’s Code’ as i like to put it.

But in the same breath they say they are femanist.

What i think? That they’re idiots. If you want freedom from men yet still want all the chivalry and olden day courtesy then you aren’t seeking equality… you’re seeking dominance. It is like telling a slave to rebel and make his master his slave in turn.

To me, any guy who ends up with me and acts in a chiverlous manner gets the rough edge of my tongue. I’m not fragile and don’t wish to be treated so. However, after talking to him and he still wishes to act this way then i drop the issue as it is their choice.

But in an every day situation, why should a woman expect this sort of attitude when they themselves don’t have the attitude? Why should a girl expect a guy to open a door for her when they themselves don’t open doors  for guys?

I asked this question once to one of my friends and she said ‘it’s because that’s how they’ve  always acted’. But when she comes across a very modern man who won’t open doors for her or treat her like a porcelain doll, she gets incredibly upset and says he’s being disrespectful to her and breaks up with them.

I feel this really is hypocritical. What if a man said ‘it was always a woman’s place to make my food, clean my clothes and basically be my maid’. Does that mean that if he was to meet a modern female that he has the right to be upset?

For equality to exist, there has to be equal distribution of thought and resposibility. Therefore, in my friend’s case, her thought is that she wants the man to stay in the medieval, chiverlous approach while she becomes the dominant femanist. That isn’t equality.

In my case, i confronted my partner on his attitude and found it to be his choice to act that way. From choice, comes equality. He chose to act that way and without pulling the dominant female card on him. Same goes for if i had a modern male partner. It is his choice to act that way.

Feminism was great during the times when females were oppressed. But now that the genders are close to equal, femanists shouldn’t be looking to liberate the female gender but rather to balance and cancel out the differences in thought between the genders.

What makes something forbidden? What makes something taboo?  Or vulgar? Or rude?

Within the realm of language, words are merely words. All are bound by the history in which they were created from. But is it that history that makes  them what they are? Why do we say one set of words is more vulgar than other words with similar meanings?

I don’t care how something is said to me as everything comes down to expression. How it is expressed. Why it is expressed. If someone, or even myself, needs to use colourful/’vulgar’ language to express myself then it is showing the strength at which i feel something.

Yet around me people get offended with such language no matter what context it is used in. Restrictions in thought is what makes their worlds smaller than they should be. Such restrictions i won’t allow within myself.

What is it that makes people force others to see life as precious? Religion? Culture? Society? Life is what it is, nothing more. The world is alive and has been for billions of years. Living, breathing and breeding corruption through humans.

Why was money introduced? To control others? To make those classed as ‘rich’ richer and the poor poorer? Back in ancient times, currency was trade. Trade for something you have for something you don’t. Money seems to be like a credit system where people say ‘i can get whatever i want because i’ve got this much!’. But what about those who aren’t as well off? Why should such a credit system exist when it causes so much pain to people to can’t ‘buy the world’.

I’m not afraid to admit this to anyone. I am suicidal. People call me  emo when they see cuts and other things. But people don’t understand, name calling makes it worse. I understand those who name call tho. They themselves are emo but afraid to admit it. They push their sad and depressed feelings off onto others to make themselves feel better. If someone is already sad and depressed then all the better. A little more won’t hurt.

I haven’t done myself in because writing is a lifeline. Something i found to stablise my life and world. Taking writing away from me is the equivalent of taking food and water away. Something i can escape to when people become too much pain for me. It’s what i suggest to people who are suicidal. Don’t hide it. But find something that you can immerse yourself into to take you away from all the feeling of pain around you.

You are you no matter who tries to push you around. Be it your friends, family, or even the very government who is suppose to be there to protect you.

It’s a lie when people tell you that you have no right to die. You have your own beliefs and while one person may react to their beliefs, you need to only be concerned with your own. Everyone is entitled to live without bias, prejudice,  or fear yet these things happen every day. I don’t support people dying at the drop of a hat but i also don’t support people living in conditions that no one is willing to help them out of.

Asking someone to wait for the ‘hopes something will change for the better’ is also a lie. No one knows what the future holds and so in saying that you may essentially be causing them further pain. The someday in the future may never come or that some day may actually make things worse instead of better. But where is the person who said it? Far away and not knowing what is happening. It’s why i normally hold how i feel deep inside. Things people say to me to ‘cheer me up’ just make me feel worse in the end.

Before i end this post, i want to tell you a story. Personal story of mine. When i was in primary, i had a good friend. She knew about my Mum and the things she use to, and still does do, to me. In year 6 (1996), she found me crying. She promised things will get better and not to give up. At the time i was naive and believed that things would get better.

It is now 2010. 15 years since i was in year 6. 15 years and things have not gotten better, only much more worse. Yet people still promise me that things will get better ‘one day’. When will this one day be?

The girl? After we left primary school, i never saw her again. She stopped contacting me and ignored my letters through the first year of high school. I still wonder to this day whether she knows that things aren’t better and is just avoiding me.

How would someone in a worse situation that me feel being constantly told ‘things will get better’? When instead  of better, things get worse and worse. How can anyone, religious or not, understand that those words are empty? Whenever someone says that to me now, you know what i say?

“Unless you have something other than words to console me, don’t mention this topic again. Empty words don’t dent the pain i have felt for so long.”

I accept that they are trying to help but in the process of helping they are also hurting. What i expect people to do is treat me like any other person. Like i belong. Give me something that i know is there to remind me that there are people who will be by my side through the worse. Not give me empty hopes and promises. Giving me something that i can hold close to my heart is more valuable that empty words and promises of ‘one day’.

I’ve often wondered after playing on online games whether people you meet on there remember you after a certain amount of time. Or if the game itself becomes like any other solo offline game where the characters you interacted with were merely advanced NPC’s.

When i finally got my net back, i had an interesting surprise waiting for me. Someone from when i use to play on a ragnarok server created a group on facebook. It was just so interesting.

I promised a long post, didn’t i? I haven’t had much lately that really piqued my interests. But there’s one conversation that did upset me.

How is it ok for anyone to cheat on someone they love? Not only is it really wrong, if the cheating becomes sexual in nature then you could be passing god knows what to both partners.

More to the point, how can anyone thing cheating is ok in any given situation? Cheating is bad no matter what reasons or excuses you give. I;m just not the type who likes guys who think that it’s ok in any situation.

I’m so sleepy but i wanted to get somee sort of post out. I’ve been working on IWB and trying to get the FCGS fanfic ending just right. Even after all this time i still haven’t finished it. I will… eventually.